Chatter of the Insane: When Posters Attack!

Two of my books are out to friends and family for editing, and I can't really start work on the third book because much of it hinges on things in the first two books. But that hasn't stopped my brain from oozing creativity everywhere... and it may explain why so many inanimate objects have started gaining personalities, having conversations, and in all likelihood, begun plotting my ultimate demise. For instance...

I am a huge fan of the Bleach series by Tite Kubo. I have several posters on the walls of my office (along with posters for D.Gray-Man, Naruto, and Fullmetal Alchemist - I am a manga and anime lover). My computer has rotating desktop pictures enabled for these and others - and, at the moment, I have seven of the Bleach manga books on a shelf behind me, waiting to go home and join the rest of the series.

They look so innocent...

Clearly, I am a fan and supporter.

And yet, one of my posters continues to rebel. At first, I assumed (like a calm, sensible person) that I had simply failed to hang the poster correctly. Scotch tape can be tricksy, right? So I picked the fallen poster off my desk and proceeded to carefully smooth it back onto the wall. I smiled. All was well. Ichigo could now rest contentedly. At the end of the day I checked that the poster was still safe and secure and left work.

When I returned in the morning, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my wall. Here was the poster of Renji, here were the two posters of Ichigo that had come with my DVD box sets... and here was a big naked spot on the wall where my other Ichigo poster should have been. Confused, I checked behind my monitors... no poster.

So I stood there, eyes narrowed in confusion, not even noticing that my creativity was already devouring my brain.

I asked the other posters where the first one had run off to, but they apparently were in on the scheme, because none of them gave me even the slightest hint. After a good five minutes of searching, I found the poster hiding in the crack between desk and wall.

Instead of admitting that the tape had failed, I instantly assumed that this poster was giving me grief because it contained the image of Ichigo as he was at the start of the series (which is to say, rebellious and hot-tempered). So I did the only logical thing I could: I lectured the poster. "You need to stay on the wall! That is the purpose of a poster! How can I enjoy my poster when you throw yourself into the dark abyss behind my desk?"

Ichigo continued to glare at me, like it was my fault he had jumped. I swear, he was even smug at my annoyance.

I pressed the poster back onto the wall. "Stay put. I don't like having to climb on my desk and reach over my monitors to stick you back on the wall."

The poster decided that was just not going to happen. Try all you want, but I'm still going to peel myself off this wall and wriggle down somewhere impossible to reach.

I ignored the snide comment and got to work. 8:30 rolled around and my desktop happily shifted scenes to a nice collage from Naruto.

Two seconds later, the poster attacked the monitor.

There had been no tell-tale sounds of tape unsticking, no crackling of paper pulling free... just a peeved poster of a Shinigami suddenly folded over my screen, obstructing my view and scaring me half out of my chair. In the few seconds it took for me to realize what had happened, I also realized I had already created a conversation between my poster and my monitor and played it through in my head. It went something like this:

Poster: "Haha! No more ninja pictures for you, foul woman! This monitor is MINE!"

Monitor: "GAAAAH! Holy crap, I'm being attacked! Help! I am useless when I'm covered up! USELESS!"

Poster: "Suck it up. I am the champion! Also, I am free from the hated wall - I can do whatever I want."

Monitor: "What did I do to deserve such cruelty? Is my existence truly meaningless?"

Poster: "I have confounded the evil woman who forces me to the wall. You were the easiest target. Your sacrifice means my victory. I guess I should say thanks... but I'm not that nice."

Me: "That's it! I am putting so much tape on you, you'll practically be GLUED to the wall. And leave my monitor alone! That's the nice widescreen one. If you have to bully someone, at least pick on the old monitor! It probably won't even notice."

Old monitor: "Huh?"

I then pulled the poster down from its perch (and was rewarded with my monitor having gone into powersaver mode... I think it was hiding) and proceeded to stick tape all over the back of the dang thing. Then I clambered up onto my desk (which thankfully didn't complain) and slapped the poster to the wall. "Take this. You get to hang next to the window now - no more monitor-attacking for you. And if you're going to keep being so troublesome, I'll just replace you with another poster of Renji. Or maybe somebody evil."

Poster: *grumbles*

I jumped off the desk and returned to my seat. Work continued. The poster behaved. The conversation hung around in my brain, making me chuckle at odd moments. I probably looked a little insane, giggling to myself as I got down to serious work for the day, but my door was closed so hopefully no one noticed.

Luckily, my office-mate didn't arrive until 9:00, so the random conversations I held with other office furniture were done by that point. Hey, I had to make sure nothing else was going to start misbehaving. (I've got my eye on you, Mr. Red Whiteboard Marker...)

Really, I'm not insane. Just a little (ok, a lot) starved for creativity outlets since my novels are away for maintenance. So I make do with character sketches, random short stories for brainstorming, bits of work on some other novels... and conversations with inanimate objects.